I've had more than a few people ask me to blog about my recent weight loss. Initially, I didn't want to do it, because I didn't think I could say anything that hasn't already been said thousands of times. I still feel that anything I say here is going to be very familiar to anyone who has ever thought they could be a few pounds thinner, but you all asked for it!
In case anyone who doesn't know me ever reads this blog (yeah right), I'd just like to note that I am absolutely *not* an authority on weight loss, or fitness, or health, or nutrition, or anything else. I can't tell you with absolute certainty that my approach will work for you. I don't know if it is any healthier than your current habits. All I know is that it's working for me, and it's working *really* well.
This all started in a very unhealthy way. It's nothing I condone, and it's not something I'm proud of, but it is what it is. I am not proud, but I'm not ashamed either. I'm just a human who was utterly heartbroken. Being human and heartbroken combine to form a big black pot of poor behavior. I happened to get lucky and figure out how to turn it into something really good. Yeah, so, heartbreak lead to a complete loss of appetite. The night after I left Duncan's, I went out to an incredible Thai restaurant in Buckhead (Tuk Tuk. I *highly* recommend it to any Thai fans in Atlanta). I had an awesome meal, and then I stopped eating. I had little more than a few hundred calories a day for probably... two weeks, I'd guess (Maybe more. It's all a blur now). I went so long without a substantial meal, that when I finally started eating again, it hurt like hell. I repeat, I *do not* suggest this to anybody. I got sick. I hated myself. It was awful getting into the habit of eating again. The only "good" thing that came of it, was that I lost a bunch of weight. I looked in the mirror one day and saw my jawline clearly for the first time in ages. I was stunned and excited. I happened to be at Duncan's that evening, so I stepped on his scale and saw it there in black and... ehm... puke green-ish? I was 22 pounds lighter than I had been the first time I'd stepped on that scale! Side note: I lost something like 8 or 10 pounds as a result of being stupidly happy, and a certain increase in physical exertion *ahem* Moving right along. :)
Dunc's bathroom has turned into a kind of holy place for me. It's a little screwy, but that's where this all started. I distinctly remember standing there, staring at my face in the mirror, thinking "Holy shit. You *accidentally* lost 20 pounds. How the hell..? If you can lose that much by accident, what happens if you actually *try*?". That thought sent my brain into over drive. I wish I'd written down all of the thoughts that bounced around in my head that night. I was excited, and joyous, proud, and terrified, confused, frustrated, hopeful, nervous... How was I supposed to do it? I didn't think I could work out because of my back. I didn't think I really ate all that poorly, or very much more than anyone else. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't keep starving myself! I figured that I had to find out how many calories my body needed every day to survive. At that point, I was never really hungry anyway, so why not just eat the minimum and be done with it? I wasn't especially concerned with being healthy. I just wanted to not be fat.
I googled. That's what we do when we don't know the answers nowadays, right? Heh. What I found was http://www.everydayhealth.com/ (sorry, the linky thingy isn't working) I assure you, I wouldn't have lost another pound without this website (or one similar). There are tons of tools there to help you achieve any goal you set. I started with the BMR (basal metabolic rate) calculator. You enter your age, height, weight, and activity level, and it approximates how many calories your body uses in a day. Obviously, this is not exact. It depends on your body. Your metabolism and your level of activity have everything to do with how many calories you use in a day, but you have to use *something* as a guideline. It told me that at 27 years old, 5'9" tall, 254 pounds (Yeah, I said it. That was 22 pounds down, too.), and an essentially sedentary lifestyle, I burned somewhere in the region of 2,350 calories a day. I actually had a real BMR test done a couple of years ago, which put me at about 2,600 a day so this isn't very far off. Anyway, it said that in order to lose a pound a week, I should be eating something like 1,800 calories a day. I had no idea how many calories I ate every day. Did people actually know things like that??? I decided to move from that page, to the BMI (Body Mass Index) calculator. It was 38 that night, and 41 before I lost the 22 pounds. Damn. That can't be good. Morbidly obese? Morbidly?! Really?! Hmmm. Oookay, what's next? Body fat percentage. Uh oh. 60%. Someone just shoot me. Please?
By the time I was done clicking around on everydayhealth, I was literally in tears. I was barely hanging on to any hope, or scrap of joy that I'd found in losing the 22 pounds. I couldn't believe how horrible it felt to see those numbers in black and white. I wanted to just wash my hands of it all, and continue life as usual, but I *knew* that something had to change. I also knew, that the only one who could change it... was me.
(I included a few "before" photos, none of which are even especially bad. I deleted those ones altogether. Still, I had to go through and restore a bunch of pics to their original version, since I was in the habit of cropping 75% of my body out, so I didn't have to look at it. Seeing them now is nothing but inspiration to keep myself on this path. I'll upload some recent ones in the next blog. Maybe seeing the difference will inspire you =D )
